By Lindsay

A few years ago, I was preparing a gift for a graduation party I was invited to attend. As I packed a gift bag, it occurred to me that something valuable I had to offer wasn’t yet in the bag: perspective. Advice for getting started in life, which I learned from my journey & my mistakes.

Of course, unsolicited advice is rarely well received. So, I decided to write down the advice so that the recipient could choose to read it if they wanted to.

This list was lovingly prepared for that graduate. As time went on, I thought about other graduates who might be nearing their achievement without a group of people who love them ready to celebrate their milestone & cheer them on as they start their next chapter.

So whoever you are, here is your option to read unsolicited advice that may help you. I am congratulating you & I am proud of you because it took a lot of work to get where you are. I hope that this post helps you, whoever you are. I pray your next chapter is your best chapter.

Whether you are graduating high school, deciding what direction you will venture into the “real world”, or graduating college or trade school, starting the process of establishing yourself in life, this timeless advice may come in handy:

Get to know God if you don’t know Him.

If you feel like something is missing in your life & you do not know God, that is why you have that feeling. God created us to have a relationship with Him, so when you don’t you will feel incomplete.

Think about how much changes in life; people drift apart or die, pets die, you will have many jobs, maybe many cars & many homes.

God is the only One who never changes; He is the only One who can truly be your rock! He is the only One who really knows you, who has seen every ugly thought you have ever had, yet still loved you enough to sacrifice His only Son for you! He gave you the Holy Spirit to guide you. He gave you the gift of prayer so that you can talk to Him anytime about anything.

Building your life upon anything other than Jesus will result in it crumbling, & you will fall hard.

If you want to learn more about God, here are some of my favorite Biblically sound resources:

Read your Bible everyday, for reals. You don’t have to read 50 pages, just read some of the scriptures. If you don’t have a Bible, download the You Version Bible app for free right now!

• Living Waters
• Answers in Genesis
• In Touch Ministries
• Daily Grace Podcast

Find your person & get married.

In today’s culture, marriage is being actively discouraged to young people. This breaks my heart! Marriage is a good thing when it’s to the right person.

If you think you found the right person, it will feel right (when you know you know is real). As long as you are able to support yourselves, there is no reason to wait. Get the tax benefits! Have your person to go through life with. Getting on your feet is much more doable as a team than flying solo.

That said, when it comes to choosing to get married, do what you are comfortable doing, not what your family or anyone else wants you to do, because it is the most important decision you will ever make (second only to the decision to follow Jesus) & ultimately you deal with any consequences from that decision, not them.

Get involved in something you’re passionate about & find your people.

When you see how many charities there are, it might seem like there is not much left to do to help others, but never assume someone else has it covered. There is always more to be done!

As you get older, you will find it is harder to make friends as an adult. Get involved with whatever you are passionate about & you will build yourself a circle of like minded people who get you while you are making a difference. Plus, some employers like seeing volunteering on resumes.

Live God first, family & friends second, career third.

God has to be first in your life. If you love something or someone more than God that is a form of idolatry.

You will have many jobs in your life. Your job can easily replace you, or your job could let you go at any time.

But your husband & children have only one wife & mother. Your kids are only little once & they grow up faster than you can ever imagine.

Your best friend only has the relationship with you that they have with you.

While you have to work hard to make it in life, don’t forget what is important.

Make life choices based on what you want not what other people think.

In this day & age there is pressure to attend college. Society tells you that you have to have a career to feel accomplished or be worthy. In the words of Buddy the Elf, “you sit on a throne of lies!”

College is right for some people but it isn’t for everyone. Student debt can be massive so you really have to be passionate about your education to be ready to take that on.

Not to mention, many graduates don’t actually work in the field they majored in! It would be awful to work towards an expensive degree, saddling yourself with major debt, then not even use the degree.

If you know what you are passionate about doesn’t involve college, that’s okay! All you have to be able to do is support yourself & your family. However you make that happen is up to you as long as it’s legal.

If you do not have career aspirations & would rather be a wife & mother, there’s nothing wrong with that either! Don’t listen to society’s lies that you’re “just” a wife & mother. Your family is so important & no one can care for them like you can. If your husband earns enough that you can afford to do it, go for it if that’s something you want to do.

Getting a dog is best done when you’re established.

Having a dog is a major responsibility, similar to having a toddler. Dogs are not cheap to care for. Life has lots of plot twists – are you ready to do whatever it takes to ensure you can give your dog a life long home?

While getting a dog right away seems fun & not like a big deal, you must consider what is ahead.

Maybe you have a lot of time to spend with your dog in college, but one day you’ll have to start working. When you’re working, how many hours a day would your dog be alone? Can you afford a dog walker or doggy day care?

If you are in a casual relationship & unsure what the future holds, if you were to break up, who would continue caring for the dog?

If you want a dog right away, consider fostering dogs so that you can enjoy having one & help a dog in need, but retain flexibility as you try to start your career & establish yourself. There are many dogs who need a foster home; the kennel environment of a shelter is stressful for them.

Alternatively, consider other types of pets. Guinea pigs, for example, are excellent cuddlers, have great personalities & tend to live a decent amount of time.

Fish get caught when they open their mouths.

Less is more; let your yes be yes & no be no. You do not have to explain yourself to everyone if you do not want to. Plus, most bosses do not like excuses, they like results.

Trust your instincts & don’t let the obligation of politeness drive your decisions.

God gives us instincts for a reason. If you feel uncomfortable there is probably a reason for it.

Never feel obligated to be polite if your warning bell is ringing. Something as simple as holding the gate open to an apartment complex for a stranger at night or stepping into an acquaintance’s home for a drink has the potential to be a deadly decision.

Set boundaries.

You do not have to tolerate unwelcome physical touch. You do not have to hug or kiss people you don’t want to, even if they’re family.

Being a grandparent doesn’t give someone the right to do whatever they want to or call the shots when it comes to your children.

You do not have to deal with pressures or obligations from third parties that are causing you distress. You can choose to make changes in your life.

Stand up for yourself firmly but kindly. Carefully choose who or what you let into your life. Make your life what you want it to be.

Know your worth & respect yourself.

God knitted you together as you are (Psalms 139:13-16) & sent His only Son to die for your sins – if that doesn’t say that you are priceless, I don’t know what else could!

Respecting yourself means removing yourself from or not involving yourself in harmful situations, being in healthy relationships, making good choices & taking good care of yourself.

If you’re dating someone who is not treating you with respect, choose to respect yourself by ending the relationship.

Don’t take & send provocative pictures.

Once they’re out on the internet you cannot get them back. They can impact your future in ways you might never have thought of.

If you are under 18, they are considered child pornography & can create legal ramifications.

Even if you think the person you’re sending them to would never share them with others that doesn’t mean it’s safe to send; phones can be lost or stolen, accounts can be hacked.

Be kind & respectful.

Kindness counts! How you treat others, especially those who cannot do anything for you, goes a long way. No person is better than anyone else; we are all human.

Animals should be respected even if you don’t like them; God created them too. You should never be cruel to them. If you can’t help them at least don’t hurt them.

God sees all; even if no human witnesses you doing the right thing, He has seen & that is the greatest reward.

Plus, you never know who is watching & may be inspired by your choice or impressed by your respect of others.

Make good choices!

I know, you probably rolled your eyes on this one. But when you turn 18, you open yourself up to more serious criminal charges & legal liability.

You can become tied to someone you don’t like the rest of your life & you can end up paying child support for 18 years or more if you don’t make wise choices.

One choice can change the rest of your life.

Drugs aren’t worth it.

The temporary high is never worth the price you’ll pay, & you will pay, because nothing is free except God’s grace.

Spoiler alert, there is no way to pass a drug test; detox kits don’t work & drugs stay in your body longer than you’d think.

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Before accepting a job, sending a payment, or arranging a meeting with someone you met online, take a step back to evaluate if the circumstances seem too good to be true. If necessary, seek advice from someone you trust.

Exercise extreme caution when dating online.

When you are busy hustling & working hard to establish your career you might meet fewer people & have less time to go out, making online dating seem like a good option.

While I know it can work because I know people who have met their spouses online, it must be done with extreme caution.

Only meet people in person if you can verify are who they are. Only meet in a public place & tell someone you trust where you are going & who you are meeting.

Watch the TV show Catfish on MTV to understand what fake profiles look like if you are unsure how to spot them. (Spoiler alert: catfish usually have abs, & will cancel meeting you because they have cancer or or were in a car crash).

Sometimes you have to take an unpaid internship get your foot in the door.

Experience on a resume goes a long way. While working for free is less than ideal, if you are able to secure a short term unpaid internship, it will pay off later.

Even if you don’t get paid for working, the internship may help you obtain a job where you interned. Even if it doesn’t bring a job offer, you earned experience. Experience gives your resume an advantage that other candidates may not have when you start applying to jobs.

Always use the big bowl to make a salad.

Have you ever started making a salad only to discover you selected too small a bowl? Eventually you learn just to choose a big bowl. This is excellent advice not only for making salads but also for life. The lesson is while life will throw you some curve balls, sometimes simply anticipation of needs & being prepared as much as you can reasonably be goes a long way.

Saving & investing is important.

Set aside money from every pay check you get. No matter how small the amount you are able to save or invest, save & invest something, but save more liquid cash than you invest. Set up retirement accounts sooner rather than later, especially when company matching is available. Future you will be grateful!

If you are new to investing, try Ellevest, Fundrise, Timothy Plan, or Charles Schwab.

Buy a home.

When you make mortgage payments you build equity. Even if the first home you can afford isn’t your dream home, each payment you make can help future you get into the type of home that you actually want, or it can help you prepare for retirement.

Credit cards are good when used wisely.

Guns don’t kill people, spoons don’t make people fat & credit cards don’t create a mountain of debt. Do not be afraid to get a credit card as long as you can exercise self control.

If you have the money to repay the balance each month, there is nothing wrong with using a credit card, & it can actually help you build your credit.

Keep in mind that most credit cards you will first qualify for do not have great benefits. After your credit grows & improves, reevaluate your starter credit card & consider upgrading to a card with better rewards such as a cash rewards card.

Start small & make a list of goals.

If you try to have everything that you want right away, you might get frustrated when it doesn’t happen quickly &/or you might accumulate credit card debt trying to have it all.

Make a list of goals of what you want your life to look like, then make a plan & take reasonable steps to get there.

Learn to be patient.

Patience is something that will help you tremendously because so many different aspects of adulting require it. If you are not a patient person, I guarantee you will have opportunities to work on acquiring this skill at some point.

Know that it will take time to establish yourself. Be patient & work hard, you can get there!

Be ready to work hard.

It takes a lot of work to get on your feet & establish yourself in life. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it!

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

When you’re young it seems like you are invincible but you aren’t. Don’t text & drive! Wear a seat belt!

Don’t waste time; if you know what you want go for it. Make the most of everyday & all the time you get with your loved ones.

Life changes fast.

Enjoy every chapter because life is always changing & it happens fast. Don’t expect perfection; life on earth will never be perfect because we are living in a fallen creation (Genesis 3). Always search for something to be grateful for & something to look forward to.

Oh, the places you’ll go!

Adulting is hard & it isn’t always easy or what you want it to be. Ah, but underneath the bills & the obligations you’re going to get to experience life…

• You’ll have so many awesome adventures.
• You’ll learn important lessons the hard way (& the easy way occasionally, but not nearly as often)!
• You’ll find your niche where you shine.
• You’ll make interesting friends. When you find your people, you’ll enjoy the treat of picking up right where you left off even if you haven’t seen each other in years.
• You’ll fall so hard in love, you’ll be so swept off your feet, that you won’t even believe how magical ordinary days become.
• When you’re standing at the altar holding your husband’s hands as you say your wedding vows, your dislike of being the center of attention & in front of a crowd will be a non issue because you’ll be lost in the moment.
• When you move out of your first apartment, you’ll sit on the floor when it’s empty & be grateful for your time there. You’ll drag your feet to the door, look around one last time, & have a hard time locking the door as you leave because even though you know you have many good chapters ahead, this one was a happy one.
• The honeymoon will end. You’ll deal with all the real, boring & hard parts of life together. You’ll understand Mark 10:6-9 like never before. You’ll choose to continue to love because you promised to the rest of your life & you’ll be glad you did everyday.
• The pride of cleaning the house you bought takes the sting out of chemicals on your hands.
• You’ll actually want to make your mortgage payment because you’ll know you’re building equity with your investment in real estate rather than lining the pockets of your landlord.
• You’ll kneel in the dirt outside the animal shelter, kiss your husband & cry as you both pet the dog you’ve been waiting for for so long. She’ll run to the car & jump in fast because she wants to leave the shelter, but as time goes on, she will stand there & wait for you to lift her in when you go places. On the ride home she’ll snuggle into you & you’ll cry more because your heart was waiting for her, you love her already & you know so many good memories are waiting to be made. Spoiler alert – she’s sleeping in your bed the rest of her life, not “just this first night to start bonding”. She’s going to sprawl out in the middle, leaving you on the edge, stealing the blankets & pillows, up to the very last night she goes to bed with you. The next night, the house will be too quiet without her snores. When you have room to spread out & have blankets to yourself again, you won’t be comfortable. It’ll break your heart having room to sleep, because you were so lucky to have someone that made saying goodbye SO HARD. (Cue tears & Winnie the Pooh).
• When you hold your baby for the first time, your heart will finally get its missing piece. You won’t believe how good he will smell & how sweet his little hand feels on your cheek. You won’t mind changing diapers, no, not even the really stinky ones. The years of waiting, the ovulation tests & medications that you had to take, all the physical pain of growing a human, the constant fear you’ll lose this baby too, neurotically reading the ingredients of everything before you eat or drink it, having your bladder stomped on, your ribs kicked, only being able to sleep on your side, feeling like a car parked on your back, your episiotomy & the months of recovery ahead of you will all feel worth it. You’ll understand opossums, koalas & kangaroos in a way you never thought you could because you never want to set him down, not even to sleep. You’ll cry because you love him so much. Breastfeeding will hurt & will be hard, but it will be a special privilege & you’ll treasure all the baby snuggles that come with it.
• You won’t care about looking ridiculous or who’s watching when you’re singing & dancing with your toddler in the dairy aisle because he’s laughing & it’s the sweetest sound & you know you’ve only got so many days of him being this little.
• You’ll treasure that one Thursday because it was just a really good day & time has a way of turning so life won’t always look like this.
• You’ll go through things you never expected to & learn to rely on God more than you ever thought possible. He will make stronger than you thought you ever could be.
• You’ll treasure the chapters behind you & look forward to the chapters ahead.
• You’re going to learn to not care what people think & appreciate the ability to be yourself.
• God will work in your heart, open your eyes, transform your life, make you different & equip you to do what He calls you to do. There will be no going back & you won’t understand why all that is good until it happens.

Oh honey, the places you’re going to go!